Photo of Luanjiao Hu
“As an immigrant, you have the fewest rights in this country. So, stay away from controversial issues, stay silent if you can.” This is what a respected lawyer friend once suggested to me when I was being vocal about current issues in the US. It was such a sad reminder of our current reality.
It’s been more than a decade since I came to the US. I left my home country and chose to pursue graduate education in the US largely due to my unequal lived experience as a disabled woman back in my home country. For my first eight years in the US, I struggled to complete graduate school, conduct research, find a partner, and overall adapt to life in a new country.
During those years, I also had a major surgery and spent significant time recovering. I was in a wheelchair and later used crutches for over half a year. My priority shifted from getting my degrees to securing a permanent residency, work visa, and stable job post-graduation. Many of the timelines for my goals are completely out of my control, due to the long immigration queues for the countries my partner and I are from.
For a long time, my disability affected my work and priorities. I care deeply about disability issues around the world, but as a member of the Chinese diaspora, I am especially invested in advancing disability rights and inclusion in global China. As a disabled researcher and advocate, I understand that disability is a normal part of human experience. In my own case, I made peace with my disability a long time ago and accepted my newly decreased physical capacity after a 2016 surgery.
Disability has led me to where I am today, and it has opened a new world and perspective to me, for which I hold deep gratitude. I manage the challenges that come with a physical disability, and I enjoy life as a disabled person with access to diverse disability communities. I wear my prosthetic devices visibly and mostly do not care much about what others think of me. As a disabled woman, I found a partner, got married, and started a family in the US.
In recent years, my immigrant identity and experience have become more prominent in my everyday life. As my number of years living in the US as an immigrant increased, I started to feel and think more strongly from an immigrant perspective. The combination of my multiple intersecting identities of being an immigrant, disabled person, Chinese woman, and mom affects my life in subtle and profound ways. Many of my immigrant-related experiences, unfortunately, are riddled with challenges and stress.
For example, my post-graduation employment opportunities have been directly dictated by when my current visa status expires and who would sponsor me with a work visa next. I spent significant energy, time, and money to navigate the US immigration system, keep my status as a legal immigrant, and seek employment as an immigrant on a visa.
Many disabled people plan and live their lives based around their disability. As a disabled immigrant, I also plan and live my life based on my immigration status. The lengthy and consuming process of consulting attorneys, preparing various administrative tasks, and waiting for documentation and application approval was my reality for several years. I had experiences with incompetent and careless lawyers who messed up my work visa applications, and I ended up losing multiple employment opportunities. By the time I received my work authorization, the widespread federal funding cuts and uncertainties in the disability field led to a hiring freeze and a disability policy organization retracting my job offer. I was suddenly rendered jobless and scrambled to seek my next employment.
Taking on an additional mothering role with limited childcare support from overseas family members means I have limited time and energy to balance my other responsibilities as a disabled organizer, a working professional, and an immigrant. Under the new administration, news breaks frequently about how new policies and government priorities will affect immigrants’ lives. The news exhausts me, and it is hard to ignore its impact on me as an immigrant.
I know I have come a long way from my humble origins. But I have also felt disempowered by some of my experiences and challenges as a disabled person, immigrant, and mother in this country. Events in recent years related to my immigration status and disability status have taken a toll on my career and mental health. Part of my activist identity has diminished as I struggle to navigate personal and professional life in the US.
I often think of my friend’s suggestion to “stay away” and “stay silent”, and for a long time, I wondered if or when I would regain the courage to break my silence. Writing this piece is one step forward.
Dr. LuanJiao Aggie Hu is a Visiting Research Scholar at the Lurie Institute for Disability Policy, Brandeis University, and adjunct lecturer at the University of Maryland, College Park. She published her first book entitled Inclusion, exclusion, agency, and advocacy: Experiences of Chinese women with disabilities, with Worldwide Implications (Emerald Publishing, 2024). She is also a book series editor for the Palgrave Studies in Disability in Asia and the Pacific.